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According to all known laws of aviation...

Overview

Sassafras is a Guardian Boss that spawns under some very strict conditions. Someone with a Permanent Upgrade from the Panzergram must be killed by a Guardian, Summoner, Defender, Fallen Booster, or Fallen Overlord. Created by ZathusTheMageV.

Sassafras looks like a large tan hexagon. A single eye, like that of The Saw, sits on top of it but yellow. At each of the edges on top of the boss, giant Trapper Auto Turrets and Auto Dominator Turrets alternate. Since it is an Auto Turret it can aim at players. On each side is a spawner that spans the whole side of the body. He was created by Hexen.

Behavior

ZathusBoss Sassafras2

A Sassafras (minion).

Sassafras will wander around surprisingly quickly, looking around at players with the glowing yellow pupil in its black eye. It will spin slowly as well, like an Auto 5.

The Trapper barrels fire out Mega Traps and the Dominator barrels will track the closest player. The Dominator bullets slightly curve and home in on players, but with so little effort its almost unnoticeable. They will explode into a ring of sixteen smaller bullets four seconds after fire if it did not make contact with a player.

Sassafras' spawners will shoot out small brown Gunner Minions called 'Sassafras', that get into groups and gun down players. When a Sassafras minion is destroyed, all other Sassafras Minions will get the Frenzy buff for 2 seconds. He will begin spawning these at half health, and stop spawning them at quarter health. Every minion will say the word 'Sassafras' every few seconds, quietly.

During the battle, various random phrases with absolutely no meaning will be said. The line at the very top of the page is just an example. These lines are usually references to other famous lines, quotes, or pop culture. This is to disorient his foes. >_<

Crazy Boss vs Boss Battle

Sassafras with a few polygon bosses and fallen bosses.

Quotes

NOTE: This area of the page is publicly editable. Please keep things within the realm of the appropriate though please. :/

NOTE 2: BENI, NEW QUOTES GO AT THE END OF THE LIST AND SHOULD BE ITALICIZED

  • "You remind me of birds more than pelicans..."
  • "According to all known laws of aviation..."
  • "I wumbo. You wumbo. He, she, we... wumbo?"
  • "Something smells funny."
  • "You can string cheese but can you tuna fish?"
  • "Its out of my hands, I'm only a clock."
  • "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
  • "I put the 'F' in piccolo"
  • "Are you feeling it now?"
  • "Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot..."
  • "You should have stopped while you were, a head."
  • "I vacuum the bugs out of the air with my mouth."
  • "Welcome to your tape..."
  • "Swords must bleed and blood must swing."
  • "It's probable that you do not see in the improbable."
  • "And so the world went... all nonsense..."
  • "IT HIT ITSELF IN CONFUSION!"
  • "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are 'ya!"
  • "Twin Sunflower is a great card."
  • "Ah... Lawn darts are illegal in Canada..."
  • "I Sure like my home. In Hawaii, in the city of....Mars." (referring to a Chat joke)
  • "It's almost as if I'm standing in something squishy..."
  • "I... KNOW EVERYTHING. AND YOUUUUU... KNOW NOTHING!"
  • "And now a kind South African man will come in and break all of your thumbs"
  • "It's a bit salty. Like a fresh wound."
  • "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
  • "The beast is coming for YOU."
  • "The answer to life, to the universe, everything, is 42."
  • "Han Solo dies at the end"
  • "Can jet fuel melt steel beams?"
  • "My official title is sometimes Ultimate Supreme Executive Chairman"
  • "And then the Winged Hussars arrived!"
  • "Have you ever become a starfish while skiing down a mountain?"
  • "Hah-hah."
  • "Error, error, error, meaningless thing not fou---[insert second half of random other phrase]."
  • "You have been in suspension for 9... 9... 9... 9... 9..."
  • "Get over here!"
  • "Welcome aboard, Captain."
  • "The inverse of inverse is the inverse of inverse is the inverse of inverse..."
  • "What does the fox say?"
  • "Burn, baby, burn."
  • "I like trains."
  • "My favorite polygon is a tetrahedron."
  • "NINE MORE SEASONS, MORTY!"
  • "A bit of the bubbly."
  • "He died seventeen days into rehab."
  • "The flight has been overbooked. We need four volunteers..."
  • "Its three minutes to midnight..."
  • "Did I mention that we are number one?"
  • "Hello, are you interested in my religion?"
  • "I AM THE SENATE!"
  • "I've got candy in my van"
  • "Four score and seven years ago..."
  • "Everyone gather around the television. We're going to watch Communism grow."
  • "CHOCOLATE RAIN!"
  • "One death is a tragedy. One million deaths is a statistic"
  • "GAAARRRRYYY!"
  • *hums the first twelve seconds of the Spiderman 2: The Game, Pizza Theme*
  • "Houston, we have a problem,"
  • "Life's most evolutionary masterpiece: The Pigeon"
  • "I relish your defeat. You must ketchup or mayo fall behind?"
  • "Isaac and his mother lived alone in a small house on a hill..."
  • "I brought you a bass but the beat dropped it"
  • "What are all these socks doing here?"
  • "Enter from the side door please,"
  • "You make me mad. Like water in a swimming pool..."
  • "It's like living in a mountain, but with chickens..."
  • "You're a wreck. Buy a sandwich. Start a war"
  • "Please make an eight"
  • "NOOoooo! THIS CANNOT BEEEEEE!"
  • "It's all there black and white, clear as crystal!"
  • "I want you to crawl out of my house"
  • "I demand you bleed from all of your orifices"
  • "Face the corner and touch it with your nose"
  • "Please stop bathing with each other, it makes me uncomfortable".
  • "Yo hablo Espanol. No escribo"
  • "GEH WEG!"
  • "Peeled and smothered, like fine fresh vegetables,"
  • "Oh no, I ate that banana and now I have cancer"
  • "Put that thing back where it came from, OR SO HELP ME!"
  • "KA-ME HA-ME HAA!!!"
  • "Stop punching the cheese!"
  • "You have to um... you have to um... you have to uh... draw the SUN!"
  • "You can't sell stoves on Wednesday. Back in 1887.
  • "Some people say I have a nice mass"
  • "You're full of sausages"
  • "The juice is loose"
  • "CAREER SUICIDE"
  • "This is exhausting"
  • "LISTEN, I AM YOUR FATHER!"
  • "It's a trap(per)!"
  • "Hold on, I need to put on my fast pants"
  • "...LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!"
  • "Macaroni and cheese is delicious. Do not disagree with me,"
  • "Sassafras"
  • "UNLIMITED POWER!"
  • "Eat my shorts!"
  • "It is physically impossible to run without these shoes"
  • "Dark humor isn't everyone's cup of liquid baby,"
  • "He who laughs at the towel"
  • "What are these orbs in my head?"
  • "Get ready to meet my special friend..."
  • *kazoo noises*
  • "Paint me like one of your french tanks"
  • "Mi Amor"
  • "Polygon Mother-Chan!"
  • "DELETE MY SEARCH HISTORY!"
  • "Snakes? Snakes?? SNAAAAAAAKKKEESS!"
  • "Let's get ready for... *long silence* Did I really just do that?"
  • "Let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!"
  • "Are your fists cold?"
  • "Its Jim! The original fry cook!"
  • "Elite Barbarians... Three Musketeers... Furnace... wait, aren't I doing something dirty here?"
  • "I eat floor off the food!"
  • "HAHAHA- wait, no, MWAHAHAHA!"
  • "JaAm? I LiKe JaAm!"
  • "whY My shOuLDerS HUrt?"
  • "Like some predatory bird..."
  • "I'm gonna give you the worst case of... uh..."
  • "WHERE'S MY SOCKS?"
  • "SMELL MY SOCKS!!!!!"
  • "Wait, I know you... you're the moron they built to make ME an IDIOT!"
  • "The circumference of a tank is in fact horrifying, but getting mad over that fact is entirely necessary."
  • "Today I breathed."
  • "Tanks are circles, my eye is a circle, therefore my eye is a tank."
  • "Carrots are orange, some cats are orange, therefore orange cats are carrots."
  • "MACBETH!"
  • "You're gonna have a bad time"
  • "I hate dust."
  • "Understandable, have a good day."
  • "THE ARCHPROPHET IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!"
  • "Where's pizza?"
  • "Sassafras, 4."
  • "There is no Tri-Gun..."
  • "bOrIs ThE gHoSt bUtTeR"
  • "Would you like fries with death?"
  • "OF COURSE I'M NOT MENTALLY ILL!"
  • "Sassafras of sassy"
  • "I like throwing my gunner minions in your face."
  • "Beli is my best friend."
  • "HEXEN WILL BE GLAD THAT I'M CLASSIFIED AS A HEXAGON!"
  • "The Polygon Mother does indeed has a husband."
  • "BELI DESTROY TOY!"
  • "FUN FUN FUN FUN!"
  • "*insert 3 seconds of any Disney song*... uh... LINE!"
  • "SPOILER ALERT: HARRY POTTER IS A WIZARD!!!"
  • "SHEEEAGGH!"
  • "NO KING, NO KING - LONG LIVE THE KING! Wait... what?"
  • "GO GO POWER RANGERS"
  • "Raised by ducks from a young age"
  • "I'm actually a secret genius. The last digit of Pi is... *explosion sound* HEY!"
  • "That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works!"
  • "My name is Legion. We are many"
  • "You make a loopy-loop and pull..."
  • "I communicate telepathically with my football"
  • "Pablo Escobar has escaped from prison"
  • "Install *omitted black noise* to read the rest..."
  • *laughs in Foreign*
  • "Its The Industrian Revolution AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" (Reference to The Industrian)
  • "POYO ACHACHINI!"
  • "Can you please sit on my lap?"
  • "All your base are belong to us."
  • "Its small, but the implications of it are large..."
  • "NO, you had to press the butAUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!!"
  • "More Info Coming Soon!"
  • "TBOO X can still be killed by TBOO"
  • "This is what i do, i sit on you, sit on you, sit on you..."
  • "Hello, could you spare some time to talk about our lord and savior Sassafras?"
  • "oh wow."
  • "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
  • "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"
  • "Djaldjakrbwkdjsn"
  • "I dIdN'T cOmE bAcK fRoM tHe VoId CoRrEcTlY.>."
  • "One tesla coil... two tesla coils... three tesla coils... and then I die..." (Reference to Sparky)
  • "Once there was an ugly War Machine... it was so ugly that everyone DIED. The end. :3"
  • "░▒▓▒░"
  • "I use randomenos for Polyminos with Tetraminos!"
  • "Welcome to your sippy cup."
  • "Potato knishes."
  • "Kek to infinity."
  • "SomeBODY once told me!"
  • "SomeBODY once told me that i was a shed..."
  • "Shedception!" (Said after quote above)
  • "Until you dream no more."
  • "DeeKow."
  • "Did i die sir Sassafrassy? I need my passie."
  • "We are basically doughnuts,"
  • "We are basically Dognuts.."
  • "BELI DESTROYED TOY IN 0.1 MICROSECONDS!!!"
  • "What if this is the last quote i siad?"
  • "Press Alt+F4 to escape!"
  • "My family used to dream of what was beyond this wall..."
  • "WARNING: ORGANIC LIFEFORMS REQUIRE O2 MASK"
  • "If you can't do the crime then don't serve the time"
  • "Prepare for nuclear attack!"
  • "I wonder if my Disco-Rama wig is being shipped now!"
  • "Somebody once told me..."
  • "I was born in the wrong generation!"
  • "Ladies first..."
  • "So you're as good with your hands as you say?"
  • "At long last! The ancient artifact is mine!"
  • "NEVER go out in a blizzard. Snow cone?"
  • "I will trespass upon you and your areas"
  • "The universe is teething in!"
  • "WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS!"
  • "You take this rock, and you slam it against the woodpecker. Then profit"
  • "It's so easy when you're evil..."
  • "Hello, killer memestar here!"
  • "Oh no. I had a horrible nightmare. There were so many Teamerz..."
  • "I push my fingers into my eyes"
  • "One chain is not enough to stop my spice!"
  • "Call Hexen! Sassafras has done him a heckin' good!"
  • "If you clean out a vacuum cleaner does that make you a vacuum cleaner?"
  • "Don't talk about fight club. Um... UH OH..."
  • "Insert obscure pop culture reference here"
  • "Everything the light touches is our kingdom..."
  • "Weather forecast says lightning storms coming your way!"
  • "Beware the hivemind"
  • "At least mom thinks I'm handsome..."
  • "HEXEN, WHERE'S MY COOKIE?"
  • " "
  • "I love Hexen."
  • "This quote is not italicized for a reason."
  • 'Between my friendly eye!"
  • "I am a hexagon. Hexen is a hexagon. Therefore, i am Hexen."
  • "Hexen, the disciple of the Sassafras."
  • "Sassafras, the disciple of Sassafras."
  • "GUARDIAN Y IS MY HERO!"
  • "One day the Pentagun met a Trio of Octagons who tied up a Juggernaut with a Kingpin that Supplemented the Overmaster with his friend, the Lich, who was inside a Prince's castle full of Arrows while fending off the Tres Geminos with his pet, Chimaera, within the Shadows beside a Keeper of Wolves under Bureaucratic rule of Helix of the Titans next to Masonry covered by Tactical Strategies that can Decimate Soldiers of Automatons created by Artisans within the Estuary full of Torrential rain protected by a Frigate filled with Judicators and Cyborgs equipped with Saws controlled by Puppets... and everyone died within a Furnace."
  • "Ziths."
  • "SUPAR ROBOOT!"
  • "To Sassafras, and beyond!"
  • "You remind me of pelicans more than pelicans..."
  • "Sassafras, Sassafras, Sassafras, Sassafras, Sassafras, Sassafras, Sassafras, Sassafras..."
  • "Someone seems making cult angry."
  • "I should say, I ain't standin' for this. I'm gangsta'!"
  • "Riddles. Riddles everywhere. Will you be able to solve them with your little brain BatTank?"
  • "Just kidding, welcome to hell kid, enjoy the buffet..."
  • "There's a man riding a horse on top of my chest..."
  • "And you won't believe your eyes... if ten million fireflies..."
  • "I think you're an idiot"
  • "Sassafras does not approve this message"
  • "Vote Trapper God 2020!"
  • "Get licked!"
  • "This isn't new years"
  • "My ears are throbbing. Must be all the SASSAFRAS"
  • "The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma..."
  • "Sassafras is a genus of three extant and one extinct species of deciduous trees in the family Lauraceae, native to eastern North America and eastern Asia."
  • "SO I'M A PLANT NOW? GREAT!" (Said after quote above)
  • "SEVEN IS THE CARDINAL NUMBER. ONLY ACCEPT EVERY SEVENTH WORD AS FACT"
  • "The numbers, Mason, what do they mean?"
  • "Are you sure you aren't dead?"
  • "These quotes decide the fate of the universe"
  • "If there is ever an ARG, I will be the start of it..."

Trivia

  • Guardian Bosses are my attempt at simple bosses, and as such, they are not of similar caliber to the Sons of Panzer, or anything of the like.
  • Since this is akin to Graviatar's stuff in mechanics, it will probably be very easy for him to make art of.
    • And so he did.
  • Sassafras was raised by ducks from a young age. It's how he mastered the art.
Bosses (Zathus)
Sons of Panzer The PentagunThe Trio of DoomThe OctagonThe JuggernautThe KingpinThe SupplementThe OvermasterThe LichThe PrinceThe ArrowThe Tres GeminosThe ChimæraThe ShadowThe KeeperThe WolfThe BureaucratThe HelixThe TitanThe MasonThe TacticianThe StrategistThe DecimatorThe SoldierThe AutomatonThe ArtisanThe EstuaryThe TorrentThe FrigateThe JudicatorThe CyborgThe SawThe PuppetmasterThe Furnace
Final Sons The HarbingerThe WarhandThe PestilentThe Siphon
Gladiator Bosses Jack of HeartsIllusionistBane of DronesFirestarterOverdriveAbaddonGuardian XApostle of PanzerLeaping WarmindAdversaryWicked PrinceLast Warden of the TowerUsurper of the SunSecond WitnessOxygen
Guardian Bosses Mad HatterSumo KabloomDisco-RamaSassafrasMeltdownMinion HordeStormbringerWallflowerWrithe
Polygon Disciples PerpendiculusTritesPentavianHexenSeptaurOctraxEnnealisDecratite
Event Bosses Donald TrumpKing DominatorDisciples of DominionThe TwinsWe Are Number OneX-BowGuardian LSummoner Mk. IIDefender PrimePenta-PowergonThe VeilArchpuppetShadow MagusThe HereticBoris the Ghost Butler
Mega Bosses War MachineThe Storm of FragmentsRoyaleDraconis RexFallen KingGlimpse of Panzer
Legendary Bosses ArchprophetNostradamusWar Machine IIWar Machine IIIDr. LacusBelisariusPolygon Mother
Era Bosses Avatar of Panzer

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